Gracias a Dios

As I continue to do this (it’s been about a month) I see what really matters. I guess I never really wrote down why I started.

All throughout elementary and middle and high school, I journaled a lot. That was my release…especially when I felt things were not going well in my life. At the end of every day I would write in my journal before falling asleep. Sometimes I would be talking to God, but mostly I’d talk to myself writing about my day and my feelings about it or life in general. After being in my most recent relationship, I realized (or was informed, rather) that when I journaled, I was keeping a lot of negative things inside and that I would let them bottle up until they exploded. This was not healthy and contributed to the demise of that relationship.

Anyhow, once I came to college, I stopped writing in my journal as much and I am learning to share more of my heart and my struggles and my insights with my friends and family, but journaling about the negative still seems like the first thing I want to do when I’m in a bad mood many times. I hate it though because when I look back in my journals I think that if someone saw this they would think I grew up unloved and rejected, without a family, ugly as a gorilla, and that I had the worst childhood ever. I hate looking back and seeing NO positive messages because though my life hasn’t been perfect, I know that have been thoroughly blessed by the Lord even when I’m feeling depressed or angry or sad or upset.

Around the time my granddaddy died I especially wanted to journal more. But one day I decided that I didn’t want to get caught up in the negative because there was light in that situation so I just wrote some good things about the day and titled it that day’s date. Basically I’ve been doing it since. I can really see that even on the “bad” days (and trust me when I say I’ve had some bad ones since starting), I have so much to be thankful for and God deserves all the honor and glory for that.

I will probably continue this for a while. It usually gives me something good to think about before I lay down and say my prayers.

  May 30, 2011 at 12:09am